The Womanizing and Alcoholic Husband

A husband who is unfaithful and who drinks alcohol to excess can cause a family to fall apart

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[ Apr 10th, 2012 ] - [ : 15060 ]
Meditation for Peace
The Womanizing and Alcoholic Husband
A husband who is unfaithful and who drinks alcohol to excess can cause a family to fall apart.
A husband who is unfaithful and who drinks alcohol to excess can cause a family to fall apart.
A husband who is unfaithful and who drinks alcohol to excess can cause a family to fall apart. How can a marriage be saved from such an individual? Luang Phaw provided an interesting answer to this puzzle.
Choosing One’s Life Partner
Luang Phaw explained that in choosing one’s life partner, we should observe married coules and analyze their experience. We will find that before the couples were married, both were confident that they selected the life partner who was best suited for them. They imagined that, once married, their life would be blissful. They imagined that any conflict would be minor and resolved amicably, and that they would never abandon each other. However, once they lived together for some length of time, the initial infatuation dissipated and they saw their husbands and wives sometimes at their worse behavior. Whether this other side of him or her leads to small or large conflicts, there will always be issues to deal with. In the end, the magical happiness they once anticipated from their married life is erased by the reality.
The lord Buddha gave us criteria for choosing the right person as a life partner. He or she should possess the following four qualities:
1) Understanding and confidence in the Law of kamma
2) Observation of the Precepts
3) Willingness to help pthers
4) Wisdom to discern between good and bad
These four qualities are essential in developing a solid foundation in one’s own life. Therefore one should seek them in one’s life partner, too.
Confronting an Adulterous Husband
In the book Good Question Good Answer Luang Phaw offers answers concerning family related problems, and he had this to say about dealing with an adulterous husband:
There are two main factors that can lead a man to become dulterous.
1) A husband strays because he lacks something from his wife
Although this is a very difficult task, a wife needs to understand the shortcomings she may have which influenced her husband to cheat. Searching for one’s own shortcomings requires us to first calm the mind. There is no better way to attain clarity other than practicing mediation everyday. The smallest flaws of others are perceived as enormous, while we cannot recognize our own huge and appalling flaws. When we close our eyes to meditate, we can only see ourselves. Our flaws will slowly come into view. The calmer our minds become, the more we will see. If we can begin to see our own flaws, a way to remedy them will also emerge.
There is one thing about which I would like to warn the wife who has an adulterous husband: do not resort to black magic or vindictive behavior just to spite him. This is not the solution, and it will only fuel the flames of animosity.
2) A cheating husband may be adulterous by habit
This type is very difficult to remedy, so a spouse can only endure and consider it the sad consequence of not assessing people well and for choosing someone like that as a husband. You can only control your own behavior, and it is best to retain your dignity by not retaliating in kind.
Changing an adulterous husband requires time. Continue to perform good deeds so that he will feel appreciative. Perhaps he will stop his adulterous ways. Even though this may require many years, it is really all that we can do.
Choosing One’s Life Partner
Choosing One’s Life Partner
Confronting an Alcoholic Husband
Luang Phaw also had recommendations for this situation:
If wife finds herself married to an alcoholic husband, it requires her to analyze and come to terms with the fact that this may be due to her erroneous choices.
The first choice she made was to marry instead of remaining single.
The second choice she made was to marry a man who drank excessively.
Having an alcoholic father and husband in the household is detrimental to the children. As children they see his drunken and disorderly conduct and become belligerent too. They learn from his example and may grow up to be alcoholics themselves. A wife must correct this tendency in her children as diligently as she can.
The married life is not easy. If you make the wrong choices from the beginning, you will have to deal with the consequences for the rest of your life.
Single women please keep in mind that men who are faithful and who abstain from alcohol are hard to find. Therefore, you are better off being single. It is a wiser choice.
According to the Law of kamma, having an alcoholic spouse indicates that in a past life you approved of drinking and did not discourage people from it. Instead, you served them delicious snacks to go with their alcohol, encouraging them to drink even more. This Kamma led you to be with an alcoholic husband.
If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation, it is important to keep up your spirit. Keep going to the temple and practicing dana and accruing more merits. If you have children, bring them to the temple and make it a part of their lives from the time they are young. Chant and meditate together. Maintain your discipline and theirs too.
We apologize if any reader feels like Luang Phaw is addressing too directly something that may be happening in your own life. The teaching is included hers because of a desire to illustrate a possible real-life situation that can occur within a married life for those who are still single. This way, they can approach marriage with their eyes wide open and select their partners carefully and prudently.

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