MeditationMeditation for PeaceThe Heart of the Family#1The Heart of the FamilyWhen our hearts cease to function, it means we have passed away from this world. This is the same for the family. If the heart of the family stops functioning, the family. If the heart of the family stops functioning, the family has essentially died even if everyone lives in the same house. A strong, warm and healthy family is the highest achievement in a marriage. But what is most important in setting up a family? It is crucial for two loving people to understand this before they start a family.The following subject matter is very important for all families; whoever wants to get married, whoever wants to have children, whoever wants to have a husband or a wife must study these pages to gain a deep understanding. This is because all problems that develop in a family revolve around these issues. If they study this text carefully, they will benefit greatly. But if they lack an understanding of this, they will face many troubles. This knowledge is called, “Dhamma for Laypersons (Gharavas-dhamma): the Vital Heart of a Stable Family.’A Family’s Typical ProblemsBefore a person gets married, he/she already has a set of imperfections. But when two people form a family, they are unable to avoid conflict arising from these imperfections. Thus, any family who lacks even one element of the Dhamma for Laypersons –the four elements being truthfulness (Sacca), self-control (Dama), endurance (Khanti), and sacrifice (Caga) – Will certainly experience one or more of four problems:1) The problem of suspicion.2) The problem of foolishness, of not keeping up with the world, people, or surrendering to defilements.3) The problem of being tired of each other.4) The problem of selfishness.It is best not to allow these four major problems to arise in the family. If they begin to materialize, then quickly find a solution so that they do not increase in magnitude. These very problems can escalate to such a degree that they can become persistent and endless.Problem #1: The problem of suspicion.In today’s world, although people may be part of the same family, a typical disease that develops is suspicion.It is not only between husband and wife that suspicion increases, and not only among siblings, but there is also suspicion between parents and children. So there is no need to even mention others who are not part of the same bloodline or people who are not in the same family. They don’t have this disease.The fact is, there are many facets to suspicion. Some suspicions are caused by jealousy, some are because of inequality, some are due to unfairness, and the most dangerous suspicion results from a lack of responsibility.No matter what the source of suspicion is, the longer family members live with each other, the more suspicion can increase.Problem#2: The problem of foolishness, of not keeping up with the world, people, and of surrendering to defilements.This problem occurs when people’s intelligence, knowledge and ability are not at the same level. It is called foolishness.Some people’s actions and thoughts cannot keep up with the actions and thoughts of other family members. This will prevent them from being able to keep up with the ever changing world. The major cause of this lag is not due to foolishness per se, but is because other family members are constantly adapting to new situations and those who lag behind refuse to adapt to changes or improve their situations. They stagnate and remain with what they are accustomed to. And the others have a difficult time pulling them along.These types of people blame their situations on their lack of luck, feelings of inferiority in the family, or they feel hurt that their parents, spouse or children do not love them. This will surely bring disagreement and create family problems.A Family’s Typical ProblemsProblem#3: The problem of being tired of each other.The problem of being tired of each other can also be referred to as Being Tired of People.A judge in Chiang Mai, Thailand once spoke about a case that took place some time ago concerning a young adult who was under 18 years of age. This young adult had broken the law, and the court sentenced him to juvenile detention for punishment and evaluation. As soon as the court handed down the sentence, the parents began to cry and asked to take him home to train him themselves. No matter how delinquent children are, their parents will always love them and worry about them. They want to take care of and correct their children’s behavior by themselves. They don’t trust anyone else to take care of their children because they are afraid that no one else can take care of their children as well as they can.However, today, when young adults break the law and have to go to court, the parents are asked, “Your child broke the law. What do you want to do?”The parents quickly answer, “It’s up to the court. Let the court do what it wants. We are so sick and tired of him. We don’t know what to do with him anymore.” As one can see, this situation has clearly changed.In modern day society, there are people who are tired of their own children.Even members of the same family must be careful not to allow tiredness to develop. Within your family, if one member does something wrong and the other family members are tired of warning that person, tired of teaching that person, or tired of advising that person, it will manifest into a family in which each family member lives on their own in the same house. There will not be any sharing or exchange of good deeds amongst family members. Our good deeds and their good deeds will not increase.Tiredness towards each other is a sign of a family’s inevitable destruction, because it will soon evolve to a point where they will all live apart and no one will be able to warn each other.When they are unable to warn each other, they will be unable to tolerate one another and then fighting and the exchange of negativity will ensue. Everyone will ultimately end up abusing each other.The way to stay together as a family unit is to have an open mind and to allow for open dialogue; family members should be able to inform each other from the beginning if they feel that another person’s actions are inappropriate. It is better than waiting until you reach the point where you cannot stand each other and trying to talk about it then. That could turn out to be like a volcanic eruption.Problem#4: The problem of selfishness.The problem of selfishness can be referred to as being self – centered.Human nature is such that whenever more than three people live together, individual groups will form. Whenever there is a division in that group, for example, due to one person n the group receiving something special, that person must think about the group first. It does not matter if anyone in the group is suffering. Because that person will not care. If there is a more serious situation, even siblings will separate from one another because one person’s selfishness has already plunged his/her mind into darkness.When a time arises where one of them has unexpected luck, that person will not want to share this good fortune with anyone in the family. In addition, that person will take advantage of others in the family and so the family will eventually crumble because of one person’s self-centeredness. One day, the problem will cause the family’s disintegration until the family unit no longer exists.
The Heart of the Family#1
When our hearts cease to function, it means we have passed away from this world. This is the same for the family. If the heart of the family stops functioning, the familyDhamma Articles > Meditation Articles and Techniques > Meditation for Peace
[ Dec 17th, 2011 ] - [ : 10611 ]