Raising our Children # 1

“A tree which bears bad fruit will be cut down; no one will want to save it. On the other hand, if the fruit tastes sweet and delicious,

Dhamma Articles > Meditation Articles and Techniques > Meditation for Peace
[ Aug 30th, 2011 ] - [ : 13973 ]
Meditation for Peace
 
Raising our Children # 1
 
The happiness of a parent comes from their child.
 
The happiness of a parent comes from their child.
 
“A tree which bears bad fruit will be cut down; no one will want to save it. On the other hand, if the fruit tastes sweet and delicious, the owner will want to take care of and nurture it for as long as possible. A tree will stand and be well cared for and nurture it for as long as possible. A tree will stand and be well cared for a long time depending on its fruit.
 
Likewise, a good child will bring good comments to his parents.
 
The happiness of a parent comes from their child.
 
Moreover, merit and success will flood the house based on their goodness of the child. If the child. If a child is bad, trouble and annoyance will come to the parents.
 
Lord Buddha taught that the blessings of the parents depend upon their children. If they do not teach the child well, shame will be seen from the actions of the child.”
 
 Enjoyment happens only when we see the result of the good work that we have performed.
 
 Enjoyment happens only when we see the result of the good work that we have performed.

Why Should we Raise our Children Well?

 
One day we will grow old and die. One thing that we want is the enjoyment of keeping our heart fresh. Enjoyment happens only when we see the result of the good work that we have performed. The better the work, the fresher our hearts feels and the longer and healthier the life we will have.
 
The ultimate masterpiece of a meditator is the complete eradication of defilements from the mind.
 
“The ultimate masterpiece of a house-holder is good offspring.
 
Having bad offspring is more miserable than being pounded in a meat-grinder.
 
Owning a dog that looses a fight with other dogs is heartbreaking.
 
What a heartbreak it is to raise a child who can not be as good to others!”
 
Expectation of Parents:
 
1. Their child will look after them in their old age;
2. Their child will perpetuate the good work in society which the parents have already started;
3. Their child will carry on the good name of the family;
4. Their child will use the family’s wealth in a good way;
5. When they pass away their child will perform funeral rites and continue to dedicate the positivity of their good deeds to wards their parents.
6. Based on these five listed five listed expectations, parents desire to give birth to a child.
 
Their child will use the family’s wealth in a good way;
 
Their child will use the family’s wealth in a good way;

The True Meaning of the Word ‘Child’

 
The Pali word for ‘child’ is ‘Putto’. This word has 2 meanings:
 
- One who purifies the family name.
- One who brings joy to the heart of his parents.
 
Types of Children
 
According to their level of virtue, children can be categorized into three types:
 
1. Abhijataputa The child whose virtue exceeds that of his parents and who brings more prosperity to the family than during the time of his parents.
2. Anujataputta The child whose virtue equals that of his parents and who brings the same degree of prosperity to the family that was brought during the time of  his parents.
3. Avajataputta The child whose virtue is less than that of his parents and who brings less prosperity to the family than during the time of his parents.
 
There are two categories of raising your child: worldly and spiritual.
 
There are two categories of raising your child: worldly and spiritual.

The Components for Having a Good Child

 
1. The parents must be the role-model of goodness
 
They must perform as many meritorious deeds as possible so they are able to have good children. This can be compared to a species of tree that gives good fruit. While the mother is pregnant, the expected child’s virtue will equal the parents’ virtue. Thus the parents who want to give birth to a good child must put an effort in performing as many meritorious deeds as possible.
 
2. Good upbringing
 
This will be discussed later in details.
 
How to raise your Children
 
There are two categories of raising your child: worldly and spiritual. Both ways must be fully taught and trained together.
 
A Worldly Way to Raise Your Children
 
1. Not allowing your child to succumb to wickedness means to prevent and protect your child from all evil at all costs. Conflict between parents and children is expected because of mis understandings between them. Reasons for misunderstandings come form 3 factors:
 
- Conflict of point of view refers to seeing the same thing in different ways and aspects. For example: outings for teenagers are good because it is a social and mind-opening event. However, for parents, outings until late at outings are detrimental to studies and may cause danger or association with false friends. When a child is prevented from going out, the parents are called “old-fashioned”.
 
We all have mistaken bad things for good things before.

We all have mistaken bad things for good things before.

In this case, frankly speaking, the child should listen to the parents’ opinion based on two simple reasons: All parents wish only the best for their children and are more experienced than them. We cannot guarantee that the love from all the friends around us equals that of our parents. We all have mistaken bad things for good things before. Listening and believing what our parents teach and advice us will always help us to avoid evil. For parents, when telling or asking a child to do something, you should do it in a reasonable and logistical way so as to avoid emotion.
 
- Conflict of needs refers to different ages having different tastes and styles. Older people prefer peace and quiet at home for happiness. Young people, on the other hand, like to dress up and go outside. The children and parents must bring their hearts together with love and find middle ground. They have to learn moderation in giving and taking. Raising teenagers is like playing a kite: one has to give and take a little depending on the situation.
 
- Defilement can occur in both the parents and the children, when they are angry, selfish, stubborn, or immersed in other defilement it is almost impossible to talk to each other. Each needs to be calm and speak with reason. Parents need to practice themselves to be in control and have morality. They should teach their children to have reason and sense starting from a young age so that this problem will diminish and fade away.
 

     
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