Children Who Are Addicted to Apayamukha (the Roads to Ruin)

Their love for their children makes parents work hard to earn money, so that they can provide comforts like an education, toys, and clothes for their children

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[ Apr 6th, 2012 ] - [ : 12548 ]
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Meditation for Peace
 
Children Who Are Addicted to Apayamukha
(the Roads to Ruin)
 
 
Children Who Are Addicted to Apayamukha
 
Children Who Are Addicted to Apayamukha
 
Their love for their children makes parents work hard to earn money, so that they can provide comforts like an education, toys, and clothes for their children, and also so that their children will not be embarrassed by signs of poverty. They lo9ve their children blindly and this blindness makes them fail to see that they are devoting all their efforts towards their children’s physical growth and comfort while neglecting their equally important emotional and spiritual growth. They are then surprised and saddened when their children are caught doing drugs, drinking alcohol, and otherwise behaving shamefully.
 
Self-destructive behavior is just as detrimental to a child’s future as lack of education or lack of food. If allowed to continue on the Roads to Ruin, or Apayamukha, these children will destroy their own futures.
 
1. Teach your children. In a household where children have not developed bad behavior, then they should be taught about right and wrong and how to demonstrate self-discipline.
 
2. Address the problem immediately. If children have already begun self destructive behavior, it must be addressed immediately and decisively.
 
1. Protecting your children from Apayamukha
 
There are Buddhist teachings that discus the roles and responsibilities of parents. If parents hope for their children to have a bright future, and find success in both the professional and personal realms, five criteria need to be met:
 
1) Teach their children to refrain from bad deeds.
2) Teach their children to do good deeds.
3) Provide education for their children so that they will have knowledge for a career and learn responsibility.
4) When the time comes for their children to select a life partner, help them with the process. Explain to them what they need to do to prepare for family life and the responsibilities involved.
5) When the time comes, bequeath your wealth and assets to them. Give them their inheritance in order for them to start their own legacy.
 
Children often encounter problems later in life because the parents did not fulfill these responsibilities.
 
Why Do Some Children Behave Badly?
 
Our ancestors provided us with a very interesting answer.
 
“The parental skills we find today are a cause for concern. Let’s not even worry about their inability to teach their children to avoid bad deeds and only do good deeds because some parents can’t even discern right from wrong, good from bad, and merit from sin. Some are even discern right from wrong, good from bad, and merit from sin, Some are even engaging in bad behavior in front of their children to witness. This is the scariest part of it all.”
 
Do Not Leave Teaching to Only the Teachers
 
Our ancestors stated:
 
“Some parents are capable of separating good from bad, but do not impart that knowledge to their children. Since their love and concern for their children are so great, they can become overprotective. They forbid their children from going anywhere without giving the reasons why.
 
Parents should realize that they cannot be with their children at all times. One way or another, children will find a way to be independent. Instead of forbidding them from doing something without reason, it would be more beneficial to take the time to teach them about good and bad right and wrong, and the reasons we should or should not do something. Teach and encourage them regularly to perform good deeds.
 
When it comes to their children’s education most parents are fully supportive, but some have too high of an expectation. Our ancestors provided the following thought to consider.
 
“Some parents push their children into famous and reputable schools in Thailand regardless of high tuition costs. Their only concern is that their children, once enrolled, will become intelligent because of the high caliber of the teachers there.
 
“I would like to remind you that this way of thinking is flawed, because teaching children to know good from bad and merit from sin are difficult tasks. This subject requires extensive explanation, and it is better suited for instruction on an individual basis or with only two to three children at a time. Parents must explain in such a way that the child can absorb the information. If is to great of an expectation to think that school teachers will be able to teach them these things because teachers already have many students to be responsible for.”
 
When children are home, parents should first focus on the Lord Buddha’s teachings on moral behavior before proceeding to other topics like selecting a spouse and family inheritance. In the end, when confronted with temptations like clubbing, alcohol and drugs, their children will be  able to make sound judgments they should or should not do something.
 
Protecting your children from Apayamukha
 
Protecting your children from Apayamukha
 
2. Keeping your children away from Apayamukha.
 
In the event where the children are already addicted to Apayamukha, the only way to bring them back is by talking to them without ever resprting to anger. Allow the children to come to their own conclusions once they understand your concern is based on your love for them. Often they make choices without understanding why their decisions are wrong. Sometimes they did not even realize that they were worrying or hurting their parents.
 
There are three major topics that parents need to explain to their children.
 
1. Teach them that money comes from hard work
 
A parent can explain that going out at night and carousing with friends is a waste of hard-earned money. People must work hard to purchase necessities like food and shelter and clothing. And parents strive to build a legacy for their children. Wasting that money on a few hours of amusement is like letting one’s future evaporate into the air. Explain that not everyone goes out to clubs or consumes alcohol. In fact, there are many people who engage in more worthy pursuits, like volunteering to help the homeless or reading to the blind. It is certainly much more fulfilling than going out every night.
 
2. Peer pressure can influence one’s behavior
 
Parents can also explain that young people tend to do foolish things. They are inexperienced at life, and often have an imperfect understanding of right and wrong. They want to try bad things like drugs and alcohol despite knowing the legal consequences and often not knowing the moral consequences. Explain that going out each night with friends like these can lead a good person to temptations that he or she may not be able to resist.
 
3. Dangerous living has real consequences
 
Parents can also explain the pitfalls of a dangerous lifestyle. Being around intoxicated people or being intoxicated has so many terrible potential outcomes: getting involved in a brawl, getting arrested, contracting HIV or another disease, or even getting injured or killed. Explain that your children are you most precious treasures and the thought of losing them is a parent’s worse nightmare. All parents desire their children to be the best, to live up to their potential, to be someone admired by their peers. They want to see them associated with good people whose example will inspire and improve them.
 
Even before problems arise, if parents discus these topics with their children. Lovingly and rationally, their children will understand the immense love parents have for them. This can be the starting point for them to think and act more responsibly, and to discern good friends from bad associates. They may find more constructive activities to occupy them.
 
Families already in crisis can still find effective solutions if they remember this: Parents’ love for their children is not enough; reason and understanding must accompany it. With hard work parents can regain wayward children, and children can regain honored parents.


     
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